Relationships are hard.

Mental health is hard.

Combine the two and it’s a total nightmare some days….sometimes weeks.

I still don’t know how to handle myself most days. And I don’t know if I’m allowed to speak up about how I feel about small things. Most of the time I talk myself down and convince myself that I’m just being a childish brat. But I’ve never really taken the time to step back and look at the root of the shitty feeling. So I just sit and fester in the bullshit….which obviously doesn’t help anything. And then I feel even worse for not having the gumption to say “hey I’m feeling a little frazzled because of this thing that happened”.

Does wanting to be chased make me a coward?

It’s something that I think on quite often and it bothers me. Do I want my partner to chase me because it’s the only way I truly feel valid in a relationship? Will I ever not be so insecure that I’ll be able to accept things at face value without tearing them down in the background?

It’s ugly to admit….and horrible to face. But what choice do I really have?

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